There Can Be Only One

From reading the headlines on the ads placed by about a thousand men on the Yahoo Personals site, I have learned that there is only one "Nice Guy" left in the whole world.

And every one of them assumes that he's it.

Fear of Rejection

Ok, so not only can I not find anyone to go out with (yes, I have done the asking myself), but I can't even place a damned personals ad on Yahoo. I spent two hours playing around on Yahoo Personals yesterday, and this is what I get today...

1. "Your intro or description was not accepted because it contains personal contact information."

Here is the "intro" I submitted. Please tell me where the personal contact information is in here:

"I like: philosophy, art, music, literature, science, metaphysics, horror movies (I loved the zombies waaay before they were cool), conspiracy theories, comic books, RPGs and my computer.
I do not like: the mindless drivel that passes as popular entertainment, most bars or clubs, plagiarists, walks on the beach, liars, users, sports ('cept rasslin', which is hil-AR-ious), ILLETRITE PPL WHO CANT BOTHER 2 SPELL R PUNCTUTATE N TYP IN ALL CAPS CUZ THEY THINK IT DONT MATTER LONG AS THERE LOUD, or "date movies".
I would like to be treated like a lady, therefore, I'm waiting for a gentleman. Preferably one who knows how to put on his own eyeliner. (Remember the 80s? Remember how the guys would spend as much time on their appearance as the girls? THAT. I want THAT again. Once more, with substance!)"

I don't see an email address or a phone number in there, do you?

Moving on...

2. Your primary photo replacement is rejected because it is too generic.

This is the primary photo I wanted.



This is generic? Geez, what's a girl gotta do to get noticed?

3. The photo 2 contains nudity, obscenity, violence.
The photo 4 contains nudity, obscenity, violence

Photo 2:

Photo 4:


Hmm...Okay. Maybe I'll give 'em that one. My hearty apologies; I didn't realize that Yahoo Personals Ads are only for the nice people. Wouldn't want to let anyone in there with an imagination or anything, would we? No! A hobby such as monster make-up is violent!

Thank God that Yahoo Personals has fully-qualified censors! They'll make sure that all self-expression is kept to a minimum, so that good folks aren't exposed to rabble and riff-raff such as myself.

Christ. Never mind. The Universe is telling me something; I think I'll just stick with my "dream date".